THE SCROLL: Come Out Of Your Echo Chambers and Think For Yourselves
Notes On NOT Cannibalizing Dead Centaurs In A Plane Crash, Avoiding People, Cthulhu Sex Theory Class, Duolingo's Witness Protection Program, Stephen Colbert, Depopulation, the Michelin Ninja and more.
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But Why Do You Avoid People?
Are you avoiding them because you are protecting your energy from those who are not attuned to your same frequency?
Or are you avoiding them because they are holding up a mirror you’d prefer not to see yourself in?
Sometimes there’s more harm than good that comes from trying to force something to be different or even more comfortable in some way.
Sometimes it’s just better to take your space, breathe for a beat, look back upon it without your nervous system engaged, and see the interaction for what it really is.
From a calm center, you can make the decision whether it’s more important to salvage or to let go, and whichever you choose, the pathway to either becomes clearer.
Come Out Of Your Echo Chambers and Think For Yourselves
From
, regarding having written Happy Pride Month!:You never know how people will respond to your work.
I didn’t expect this article to get much traction since it mocked Pride Month and wokewashing straight characters, BUT also supported interesting gay characters and mocked people who clutch pearls at their inclusion.
So, basically I figured it’d just piss off everyone, but that never stopped me from posting before haha. I call ‘em like I see ‘em! Especially if I feel like my quirky take isn’t really “represented” elsewhere. (Gotta love that “representation!”)
I was pleasantly surprised to find the article actually did quite well (by my humble standards), and it seems like people enjoyed the kind of unique, nuanced take, or at least enjoyed the way I tried to present it with both mockery and a little grace for all sides, and (comparatively ha) less of the vitriol or handwringing that seems ubiquitous nowadays. It also reminded me that a lot of people do not fall into that neat, little binary that the MSM sells us, and also that I am infinitely blessed to have many of those pesky thought-thinkers take time out their busy days to read my mad ramblings.
One of the most rewarding comments I can get is when people write that they may not agree with me, or even have any idea what the hell I’m on about (Both of which are fine; sometimes I don’t either! lol), but they still enjoyed how the article was written, or got a chuckle out of it, or at least learned some random, new minutia from the Easter Eggs that pop out of my pop culture-addled head like gacha capsule Athenas :D
So, thanks to everyone who took the time to give this a read, like, and share, regardless of where they come down on some of these issues. I hope you enjoy the rest my articles too. Read them all and share their Lovecraftian madness across the world mwahaha!
Most importantly: a reminder to everyone out there who may be sitting on an article, or a poem, or a story, or a comic, or a picture, or some macaroni art that they aren’t sure about: PUBLISH IT! (You should never sit on macaroni art anyway.)
Especially if it is quirky, off-beat, or even the dreaded “controversial” (*shock! gasp!*), you may be the only person who could write it! Write it for yourself! And there is probably a reader out there who will be elated to see someone else finally capture and express what they were feeling, or—God help us all with this one—even inspired to look at things a bit differently because of your work. At the very least, they may get a chuckle out of it, and this world is in the midst of a serious chuckle crisis. (I blame the discontinuing of the Tickle Me Elmo line of toys. And Trump.)
Sure, some people may tell you you’re dumb and gay and pretentious and heteronormative and a sinner and a phobist and a normie and a conspiracy theorist and a libtard and a magatard and capitalist scum and a commie retard and all that good stuff. And, sure, that “person” is probably either a Democrat-Deep-State-Republican-Russian bot… or meeeeee because I’ve been day-drinking again—but that’s OK! Because at the end of the day, no matter how bad you’re writing may be… you’re still not Sam Harris.
Happy publishing!
I wasn’t even going to bring this up. But here we are….
When I listed this article in my weekly post of what I have been reading, someone wrote me back via email who clearly had not read the article at all, knee jerked at the title, and subsequently decided I could not possibly continue to have a happy, functional life without knowing their opinion about Pride a la email-launched flame retort.
I promptly deleted this message sans response.
Zero points for not actually reading the article you’re flaming by title alone.
Zero points for attempting to make that my problem.
And another whopping zero points for mistaking me for someone who cares about opinions launched by people I don’t know and have never actually spoken to in my life via flame email.
(At least the ones I received at the start of my publication telling me to “die in a fire” over and over and over again were somewhat amusing. I laughed at those. This was more like an eye roll and five seconds of my life that I’ll never get back….)
THAT SAID… I highly encourage reading this article.
I enjoyed it very much. Not only because Apollo's Lyre’s writing is always an erudite romp through pop culture, history, science, metaphysics - you name it, it’s in there like a jar of Prego - boasting a profound level of reference humor that would leave even the likes of Dennis Miller bowing down a la Wayne and Garth proclaiming his undying unworthiness… but also this take is an incredibly nuanced viewpoint that I happen to share and do not have the pleasure of hearing often, especially considering people tend to choose a reality tunnel that comes preaccessorized like a Barbie Dream House with a list of talking points that are less of a suggestion and more of a demand letter at a hostage negotiation.
They steadfastly adhere to this list while never taking a beat to think for themselves and step outside of the prescribed tome their in-group has provided regarding what one is allowed to think or feel according to the constraints of one’s particular camp-of-choice, with special highlighted and double underlined notes on what makes the Judgy McJudgiest of their ranks clutch their pearls and feign utter scandalization.
And I fully support this defenestration out of the Overton window. (How’s that for bringing it around full circle, Apollo's Lyre? 🤣)
Once you have taken this (or literally anything else) in, you can then laugh, cry, agree, disagree, whatever reaction you want to have… have it to your little heart’s content, by all means… but you know… actually READ what you’re reacting to, not just the title…. 🤣🤣🤣
It was in 2021 and it was a series of emails that I received when I launched, all from different people who were from the “you’re killing grandma by dissenting” camp.
Each and every one of these emails used the exact phrase “die in a fire” in such proper NPC lockstep that it made me wonder who had dropped the term into the zeitgeist achieving such profound resonance that everyone would feel compelled to repeat it when flaming people who disagreed with them about Covid.
Eventually repetition, upon becoming surreal and then absurd, can become extremely funny, and in this case especially so if you happen to be someone who shares my dark humor.
So, the more often it appeared in that context, the more I laughed, and now the phrase is anchored in laughter for me.
I am sure that was not their desired response from me, but I prefer it. 🤣
From
:“Zero points for not actually reading the article you’re flaming by title alone.
Zero points for attempting to make that my problem.
And another whopping zero points for mistaking me for someone who cares about opinions launched by people I don’t know and have never actually spoken to in my life via flame email.”
[Does a little back-o-napkin math] That’s zero total points!!!
Or as Jim Downey pithily put it:
Your description there actually reminded of the late, great DMX’s seminal classic Party Up, (#hardinthepaint) where he jokes about some doomed fool trying to fuck with him: “What’s gonna be the outcome? Let’s add up all the factors…”
I joke partly because I am buying time, as I can’t think of a way to properly express my gratitude for your exceedingly kind words and support. Both are always greatly appreciated. I am just doing my best to point at stuff I notice, kinda like Dug in Up haha, and hopefully make people laugh a bit as well, kinda like Dug in Up.
Sometimes when venturing into these really hyper-polarized topics that I just don’t see in the same Manichean way as many do, it does bring to mind a great line I heard on an episode of In Our Time about Solon the Lawgiver, the guy who boldly reformed Athens in the 5th Century BC and may very well have saved the whole place from going to Hades in a handbasket.
In doing so though—in being honest, making tough decisions, and unpopular compromises—he pissed off all kinds of people, something in which he reportedly later took great pride (no pun intended). The panelist on the show commented the following. (I looked up the transcript because I hate misquoting people. And am neurotic.)
“… [Solon] also unusually revels in the fact that everybody hates him. So the poor hate him because he didn't redistribute the land and the wealthy hate him 'cause he's curtailed their privilege and power, and he actually wears that as a badge of pride. He succeeded as a reconciler because everybody hates him.”
I really, really love that last sentence.
I also really, really love the amazing work you are doing here, which is why I am again humbled by and grateful for the kind words. From your legendary meme drops to your insightful deep dives on metaphysics, nobody can run the gamut of topics as effortlessly and effectively (and rhizomatic… ly) as you do here. That’s why you continue smashing through new subscriber milestones on your way to infinity… and beyond!
Well, similar to DMX, I’m not exactly about holding back.
Now, doomed fools, beware - the cork has popped, my Jersey is showing, and it’s gonna take more mercy than THAT. 🤣
So, I agree with Downey - they get no points. You get all of their points. All of their points go to you. If there’s ever a question of where the points go - if the points are ever left wondering where they need to be - I’ve already given the points out. They have been awarded. I’ve no more points to give. Apollo's Lyre has them. In some kind of energetic spreadsheet somewhere. Details are unimportant. 🤣
When people keep to their dualistic talking points like this, when they fight so hard to remain inside the box and every position they take is based on groupthink, regardless of flavor, whole hog, no alterations, the only thing that happens is that I lose respect.
Why has this come with zero examination, zero gray area, absolutely no nuance?
Why do most people make it their mission to pendulum swing hard in the opposite direction of whatever it is they are witnessing without realizing that that’s exactly how we got here in the first place?
It only happened this way because someone else wanted to pendulum swing in the reverse of where they already tried to go and failed.
We are only unable to find centered consensus on polarizing topics because people have restored these arguments that were already finding rest in a place of live-and-let-live driven sanity.
I don’t remember anyone arguing about any of this - or much of anything else socially beyond the finer points of how to institute gay marriage and/or whether or not a business had to make you the kind of cake you want - by around the late 90s.
All of this was re-stoked for effect. It’s all divide and conquer positioning.
And I thought your point about that really hammered it home: “There will always be the pearl-clutching goofballs aghast at any gay character, but that’s not most people wincing at the latest wokewashing. Most people just want the characters to be original and interesting, for things to be basically age appropriate, and to not feel constantly clobbered over the head with the topic.”
That’s balance. That’s nuance. That’s ethical, fair, and wise. That’s something we rarely see anymore because people pander to their echo chambers for validation and fear getting “cancelled” by their in-group if they don’t.
Which leads to some interesting terrain, especially in terms of the current climate: If you’re not in danger of being cancelled by every in-group because you’ve gone off-script, you’re not thinking or expressing your own thoughts.
“He succeeded as a reconciler because everybody hates him.” Let them. That’s how you know you’re doing it right.
You know… I kind of feel bad for the pun. No one ever intends the pun. I want to make the pun feel better. From now on, the pun is ALWAYS intended. 🤣
Thank you. That means a lot coming from you, and I’m honored. ☺️
[NOTE: Later this week, look out for a podcast episode from at in which he and I discuss social fragmentation, echo chambers, anonymity, meritocracy, and more.]
Cthulhu Sex Theory Class
REALITY: Most of Substack WISHES they took “Cthulhu Sex Theory class,” accounting be damned, but feel like it would be much too scandalous to admit it out loud. <clutches pearls>
Duo, Como Se Dice “Programa De Protección De Testigos” En Español?
It was originally designed to teach foreign languages quickly to undercover law enforcement and then repurposed for public consumption.
When I was using it to brush up on my Spanish years ago, I never had so many Muppets insisting that I learn how to say “Programa de Protección de Testigos” en español in my entire life. 🤣
In Which Demi Still Isn’t Allowed To Die
[This is a continuation from the Preserve The Dopa-Meme Dealer At All Costs…. section of THE SCROLL: Vanity Fair UAE Highlights Vaccine Injury Awareness with Kristi Reimer from The Starfire Codes Divination Team]
At this rate, I’ll never die. So, yes, your mission seems to be working.
But I do veto that whole part about using an emptied out fax machine as a hermit crab shell for my brain….
Mmmmm…. yeah, that’s a NO. 🤣
I think it evolved… as one might expect a fax machine-hermit crab-brain THING to do….?? (I am so freaked out right now.)
It was a convo I was having with J.S. Kasimir and Jacqueline Rendell. J.S. somehow embalmed my brain in honey after you two said I could never die… and I had already promised Apollo's Lyre I wouldn’t die… and it all kind of went on from there….
(We’re starting to develop LORE. I don’t know whether to be impressed or terrified….)
But please don’t creepy-baby-head-on-spider-legs me. And we can do without the standard brain-in-a-jar trope.
I am saying this for the record in writing - I do not want this to be my future. 🤣🤣🤣
Not Like Funny-Haha. Funny Like Colbert….
[In response to “To be fair, Colbert has occasionally taken a break from his nightly barrage of “Trump, amirite?” clapter appeals for one reason: shilling for Big Pharma and medical tyranny, of course! His “Vax-Scene” dance number was so mind-numbingly horrible that it made me yearn for the sanity and solemnity of the kindergarten musical scene in Snowpiercer.” -
, The Harvey Dent Awards: Stephen Colbert]From
:Thank you! I must admit, I was pretty happy with that section you kindly restacked haha
That one and:
“Isn’t it funny how Colbert’s courage seems to only manifest in defense of Party-approved narratives? And I don’t mean funny like ‘haha;”’I mean funny like Colbert.”
Watching Captain America cry about eating babies in Snowpiercer was funnier and more enjoyable than anything Colbert has done in years.
I LOLed at the part about Colbert unzipping Obama, but I went for this one instead. ;)
Notice in the video that the woman he pulls out of the audience to dance with has a scarf on her head. Like a chemo patient. It’s worse than some kind of bizarre dystopian spectacle; it’s ritual mockery.
If you go back to the videos of right before Stewart dropped his position, his pallor is screaming that something is up. And then it seems like he drops because he wants no part of the ruse. He doesn’t look happy about a life’s work well done. He looks devastated.
And by the time he made these cameos, the vibe is just dark. There’s an undercurrent there. I feel for the guy - I couldn’t have pretended not to be livid either. I didn’t. The more I saw, the more incredulous I became, the louder I got.
[NOTE: In retrospect, I am seeing this video differently now that I know more about resets, orphan trains, orphanages, and asylums in the 1800s. To find out more, look for the videos I’ve posted on these topics in the What I’m Watching section.]
Reversing Effects That Lead To Depopulation
[I laughed in response to “That’s not even to mention their mental state if they struck out when they tried to ask a real live girl out on a date. Do they still date or do they just swipe a certain way and bang and then judge courtship of fuckitude? I’ve no clue. That may be for another piece. Back to pain.” -
, Fight Through The Pain]I don’t think the civil unrest part is where we’re headed.
And the sperm count thing can be reversed if people stop believing in these utterly moronic narratives.
Which is why there is still room for laughter.
But we are going to have to reverse it.
If everyone went in for chelation therapy, since that would be the starting point to reversing it anyway (of the pieces we can possibly control at the moment), we’d be on great footing to keep this from impacting us so severely.
[NOTE: The stat I’m quoting here is from Hormonageddon by Sacha P. Dobler. Amazing book. Well worth reading.]
Today, I Learned….
TIL the last thing I need to worry about in a plane crash is cannibalizing dead centaurs.
I need to focus on NOT bleeding out FIRST - and then I need to set the entire surrounding area on fire so I can keep warm while also enabling those who are ostensibly looking for me to find my centaur-abstaining arsonist ass from space.
This is excellent advice. And added bonus - because it is hilarious, I am guaranteed to remember it if I am ever faced with the misfortune of needing to use it.
Thank you, Chris Best! 🙏🏻🤣
WTF Else Are You Gonna Do With Pancakes?! DO NOT DISPLEASE MICHELIN NINJA.
[In response to “But y’know… they’re pancakes. Do whatever the fuck you want with them.” -
, Remember when blogs were just blogs?]
Special thanks to , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , and for inspiring these responses and the subsequent posts and conversations.
And thank you to everyone else who contributed to these conversations over the past few days!
Thank you so much for the shoutout! It means a lot!
Such erudite, quirky and sarcastic wit, archetypal even! I love it.