THE SCROLL: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Penis!
Notes On The MAGA Handmaid’s Tale, Old School Comedy, Stingy Bois, Expendables 4, Beet Butt, Lilith Fair, Time Machines, Memelords, Stop Motion Animation, Filming The Edge Of The World, and more....
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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Penis!
“Curious: does anyone here practice or have any thoughts on grounding/earthing? I try to do it if only to get out outside and literally ‘touch grass’ for a bit haha. I enjoy it. ‘Teh Science!’ seems mixed as per the usual, but literally insulating ourselves with rubber soles (souls? Is this what The Beatles meant?) from vital Earth energy does seem like something this society would do haha.” -
“Not currently, though it's something I intend to research more. On the surface, it makes sense to me, but I need more info. I’m usually barefoot anyway.” -
“Oh no! The MAGA Handmaid’s Tale barefoot woman dystopia is upon us!!!” -
“At least I am not also pregnant. I'm a believer in electroculture, so not a stretch for me to believe grounding is beneficial.” -
“Hahahah! Perish the thought! And Nonbinary Atheist Goddexx help you if you go anywhere NEAR a kitchen!” -
“I hate having my feet closed in, and, around the house, I just find it more comfortable. It was less comfortable that time I stepped on a yellow jacket, however...” -
“I've seen the photos.” -
“I read that as deadpan delivery. Well played. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣” -
“Yellow jacket tho! Ouch!” -
“Hah, yeah, that sucked! Yellow jackets are total assholes. There's a meme about that somewhere.” -
“Then mission accomplished! Leithian-Apollo mindlink wins again haha. They are! Them and wasps. And hornets. All of dem stingy bois except our friend the humble bumblebee. The humblebee: Friend to all nature. Maker of honey. All other stingy bois can get Raided.” -
LMFAO.
“You may want to restrict that mindlink to one-directional operation. I cannot be responsible for anything that comes from my psyche.” -
“Lol duly noted! Same disclaimer here.” -
Don’t ask. You don't want to know.
“Pixies, rawrrrrr! ❤️. Someone takes him/herself way too seriously 🤣🤣🤣.” -
Ballenger, J. (2015). Please stop sharing the ‘wasps are jerks’ memes. Ask an Entomologist.
“Hahaha seriously! Fuck that noise! Wasps are assholes and I’m tired of all these waspologists trying to defend their stingy buzzy bullshit. Can’t eat nothing outside without wasps being like, ‘Hey imma buzz your face like Tom Cruise on a radar tower in Top Gun and hide right inside your Mountain Dew can like a goddam creeper!’” -
“I will now hear that wasp monologue every time I see one. 🤣” -
“Haha I'd be honored 🐝” -
“The Far Side, ahahahahahaha! Those are great.” -
“😁waspologists. So what if you’re drinking a nice hard cider at a hard cider festival and a wasp or yellow jacket lands in your cider? Do you fish it out and keep drinking or ask for a (partial) new one? (Or, third option, do you go viking and drain the glass, bee and all?)” -
“Sounds badass, but I'm not that hardcore.” -
"POP QUIZ. WHAT DO YOU DO?!?!"
“Sandra Bullock was cute in that movie.” -
“Absolutely adorable, and that movie launched her career. Haven't seen it in decades. I wonder if I'd still like it as much as I did then?” -
I'm so sick of everyone saying that she and Megan Fox have Adam's apples. People need to get a life.
“How have I not noticed this??? What is wrong with people? 🤣” -
“Oh man gotta leave him in there and continue drinking. Like those liquors with snakes and scorpions in them! Edit: only if non-bee stingy boi tho. I would throw a tiny life raft to the bee and then pull him or her to the glassy shores of safety, thanking the bee for its service.” -
“If still alive, yes, rescue.” -
“I have no real issue with Megan Fox, maligned though she is. I chalk that up to jealousy. Though, I do think she'd be far prettier with less makeup. That's my preference though. I don't like that artificial look, and I find the amount of makeup on her face unrealistic for certain roles she's had.” -
She's beautiful. People suck.
“Probably women saying the Adam's apple thing. So many insecure females threatened by someone like her, with beautiful face and slammin' bod. I've seen maybe 2 movies she's been in. It was The Expendables 4 that I found her makeup unrealistic, but what do I know? Maybe kickass female mercenaries have flawless, artful cosmetics in combat. 🤣 Also, Expendables 4 not in any way realistic about anything, soooo, it's actually unfair for me to expect that detail to be more authentic.” -
“Whoa whoa whoa. Expendables 4 was a documentary. And the events happened in real time!” -
“Of course it is, and, yes, they did! 😂 Don't get me wrong, I love the franchise. Absolutely brilliant idea to bring together all the 80's/90's action stars.” -
I have heard it from all men. It's bizarre. It's like they want every woman in Hollywood to have a secret penis.
“Would you look at that Adam’s apple on that woman!” -
![apple-heads.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F85c9df8e-4bb8-4fa0-8ee9-07aa9bb9e712_320x240.gif "apple-heads.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“LOL 😂😂. Some people be like, ‘You get an Adam’s apple! And you get an Adam’s apple!’” -
"You ALL have secret penises!!!" 😃
“Crouching Tiger Hidden Penis!” -
“Dying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣” -
“Like these people would kill to look like or date Fox or Bullock haha. Now Big Mike tho...” -
![aunt-jennifers-tigers.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F376c1d4f-a212-421a-b3fc-5e4bfd900579_148x200.gif "aunt-jennifers-tigers.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“What am I looking at?!?! 🤣🤣🤣” -
Who the fuck knows?!?! 🤣🤣🤣 I'm making sausage mushroom risotto tonight. ❤️
![animation.gif.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5559cfc1-db2e-4e99-adf1-e31678074852_320x136.gif "animation.gif.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
![penis.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F88d29e42-d9f8-456c-aba4-226168b16899_320x240.gif "penis.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
![statefarm-well-shes-a-guy.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F5b19231e-65d7-4115-b45b-a6ac2826f0b6_320x276.gif "statefarm-well-shes-a-guy.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“I truly do not comprehend that.” -
Me neither! LOL!
“Coming back after you two get going is like entering some surreal alternate dimension. 🤣 Apollo, well played (again) re: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Penis. I will never see one of my favorite movies the same way again. 🤣 Sausage? 🤣🤣🤣” -
Why, yes! Sausage! 😃
“Way to keep a theme going. That sounds amazing, actually. Love a good risotto, and that's a great flavor combo. I cook with mushrooms as much as possible. I consider them as much a staple as onions and garlic. ❤️ It's been a while since I made risotto. I think I have some arborio in the cupboard.” -
With baby bellas, celery, onion, parm reggiano, thyme, sage, rosemary…
“Now I'm a bit drooly. I do NOT doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion!” -
![sparkle-motion-donnie-darko.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fdf3fef06-7005-475e-abf5-073b150408ed_258x144.gif "sparkle-motion-donnie-darko.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“Watching Grand Budapest Hotel ❤️. How does Wes Anderson make even sordid material quirkily charming?” -
Because everyone in his movies seems too innocent and naive to really know what the hell is happening. And the majority of his characters are way too transactional and on the spectrum to even seem real.
They're endearing. But they have zero grasp on reality.
“That fits.” -
“Gordon Ramsey approves. Or he just yells at you, even though it’s perfect. Because drama.” -
“We had NY strips and about metric ton of beets with goat cheese and pecans in a balsamic glaze. So in 24 hours, when I think I am dying, remind me that I ate 600,000 pounds of beets.” -
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Beet feces... terrifying 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. However, beets and goat cheese are one of my favorite combinations. ❤️🔥” -
CHRIS.... REMEMBER THAT YOU WILL HAVE BEET BUTT, CHRIS.........
🤣🤣🤣
“One time I forgot I had eaten beets and ended up very concerned for a few moments...” -
REMEMBER THE BEETS IN YOUR BUTT! REMEMBER THE BEEEEEEETS!!!!!
“LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣” -
CHRISTOPHER!!!!! REMEMBER THE BEETS IN YOUR BUTT! REMEMBER THE BEEEEEEETS!!!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA” -
“Just another sad butt song
Rackin' my brain like crazy
Guess it's all torn up
Be it fast or slow
It doesn't let go
Or shake me
And it's all because of you…
Wow those lyrics fit way too well with minimal effort.” -
“I discovered today that Peacock has all seasons of SNL, so I was watching a season 1 episode. When you two get going, it's a very similar dynamic... 🤣” -
![samurai-fighting.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Ff8596265-5496-47f4-8913-2c3d178eace5_258x194.gif "samurai-fighting.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“Thank you! That is extremely high praise. Like I said, I'm just riffing off Demi's genius here 😁. Is that samurai delicatessen?” -
![kaslar.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F3872967a-b09b-4462-9091-1df00560b4a1_282x278.gif "kaslar.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“I don't remember! LOL. You are far too humble, always. You both riff off each other's genius, dude.” -
“Hahaha.” -
![animation.gif.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F8a2751de-4a79-4d38-8e78-fae2d4fc39af_200x104.gif "animation.gif.mp4 [video-to-gif output image]")
“The episode today was Samurai General Practitioner 🤣. That whole lineup, omg, so good. Seeing Gilda Radner reminded me there's a documentary on Gene Wilder I want to watch. Another great gone far too soon.” -
“‘Do you think you can break a 20?’ Lolol such a great bit. Oh speaking of Gilda and Gene have you seen ‘Haunted Honeymoon?’” -
“Not in decades...” -
“One of my favorite films of all time. Has both of em and a cross-dressing Dom DeLuise in a murder mystery comedy period piece it is everything and I love it.” -
“I was just going to say Dom DeLuise, another comedy great.” -
“YES!!! I adore that movie. Definitely! The cast was insane. I love Gilda and Gene. Both so talented and cool. So sad that we lost her so young.” -
“I was thinking the same while watching that clip.” -
“I had the same thought! Complete adoration. ❤️” -
“I know!!!! Totally agree❤❤❤” -
“Everything I say right now, and probably for the rest of the week, comes from my butt hurt perspective. I look forward to putting this behind me and not whingeing all the time.” -
“I hear ya!” -
“You think your butt hurts? Imagine poor Abraham Lincoln, who actually got hammered in the ass so much... that he died of being hammered in the ass. Yes, I'm just happy I got to reference this amazing WKUK skit twice in like a week now. Jokes aside, I hope things go smoothly as possible on your way to greener pastures.” -
“Oh my goodness!” -
“🤣🤣🤣” -
“But I am no longer worried about beet butt. I am now a machine that converts beets directly into righteous indignation.” -
“So that's the secret fuel, is it? 🤣🤣🤣” -
“One of them. Also small pebbles. And wing dip.” -
“Wing dip fuels shenanigans!” -
For When Cthulhu Club Gets The Munchies….
In Which Uses A Time Machine To Take Me To Lilith Fair… And A Wager Ensues….
Let The Real You Out So The Memelords Can Memelord….
New Vocabulary For The Perplexicon
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Funniest scroll ever 😂
🤣 🤣 🤣 You had me at “Hidden Penis” and gawww does the Universe love your humor and so do I! 🥰 ❤️ 👏