Sentences I Never Thought I Would Say Or Hear: Volume Two
In Which I Say and Hear All Kinds of Bizarre Things, You Use Those Things As Writing Prompts, and The Winner Takes Glory, Bragging Rights, and a Free Year Of The Starfire Codes on Substack....
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Last month’s contest was A LOT of fun!
This was our first time - and I have to say - WOW! All of the entries were so creative - and choosing the winners was DIFFICULT to say the least!
THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of the participants for playing my game with me and making this an absolute blast!! 🙏🏻💜💫
WELCOME ALL to what has turned into a month-long psychedelic giggle fit on rails….
You can find last month’s list of prompts here.
FIRST, let’s post the evidence of our utter insanity….
You ready?!
Below are the links to everyone’s entries so you can find them easily and read them all.
I highly recommend it - they’re all amazing….
JANUARY 2024 ENTRIES:
POETRY
- To The Dark And Back - Dances With Elephants - The River Is Flowing - Holy Bafflehills!STORIES
Anonymous - Dongle’s Embrace
- Dinner With Endlaws - Things I Never Imagined I Would Say Or See - Diluting the Solipsism - Jabberwocky is trying to cut a hole in the ocean - The Whale In Reverse**And we had one SCRIPT come in from
called Reality’s Breakdown: A Play In One Act.🎉🥳🎉 Congratulations!!! 🙏🏻💜💫
JANUARY 2024 WINNERS:
Anonymous - Dongle’s Embrace
- Reality’s Breakdown: A Play In One Act (Also, we are creating a new category called Script now - thanks, Christopher! EDIT: We are also adding in a Music category - thanks for the suggestion, !) - To The Dark And BackTHE SENTENCES CONTEST: VOLUME TWO
I promised if this whole contest thing was FUN we’d do it again - aaaand it was.
I mean, have you SEEN these entries?!?!
So, we’re going to make this a regular thing!
Now, let’s talk about Volume Two and get the new contest underway….
WHAT IS THIS CONTEST ALL ABOUT ANYWAY?
Over the years, this is something that has been on my mind. And I return to it often….
After the contemporary linguistic push toward verbing so many proper nouns in our culture took hold with the Internet coming into wider usage, I used to spend a lot of time thinking about this habit in terms of the things that I would say.
I would think of this in terms of speaking to myself at age 14.
Would my 14-year-old self understand, “Just Google it?”
No, she would not.
Because, when I was 14, Google and “googling” things did not exist yet.
I would wonder, “If I said this sentence to my 14-year-old self, would she think I was having some kind of a stroke or a ‘sode or something?”
And the answer was usually YES, specifically because the thought would be so completely nonsensical to her even though the thought is so commonplace for us that we basically take it for granted.
In order for an early 1990s person to understand what I was saying in most cases, that person would require 30 years of cultural back context and linguistic remapping. Otherwise, one might perceive these language strings as stream-of-consciousness word salad, which may or may not mean anything at all without the necessary codex for understanding them.
This inclination to look at my words through this lens has returned to my consciousness recently.
I kept noticing myself scrutinizing the things I would say, often bursting into fits of laughter.
I was not scrutinizing them in terms of what I meant (because I knew what I meant), and it was not in terms of whether the receiver of the communication was understanding (because they understood and presented me with feedback in ways that made sense), but I was scrutinizing them in terms of how these idea strings would sound taken completely out of context.
After each of these codified word strings flew from my mouth, I would follow the thought with the joke, “I'll take ‘Sentences I Never Thought I Would Say,’ Alex....”
And then I started to realize how frequently I was making this stupid Jeopardy reference joke, because - let’s be honest - some of the things I say are fucking ridiculous….
So, I began collecting these….
Mainly from myself, but also from others, because I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people who also say amazing, fucking ridiculous things at times.
And this pleases me.
I thought it would be interesting to list these ridiculous sentences - first, to allow others to laugh at these; second, to consider the turn colloquial vernacular has taken in the past 30 years; and third, to put forward the idea of using these out-of-context snippets as WRITING PROMPTS.
Which made me think we should have a CONTEST….
THE RULES:
Use one or more of these collected sentences in a story, a script, a piece of original music, or a poem that you write.
No editing the prompts. They must remain intact.
Post a link to the story, poem, music, or script you have written in the comments of this article so I can find them and so that others may enjoy reading these too.
This link you provide will serve as your “entry.”
The link must be listed in the comments of this article below in order to qualify as an entry.
I will read all of these and choose a winner. I am a human being. I promise nothing but my own subjectivity as a judge. It’s the best I’ve got, so it will have to do.
You may comment as much as you like, but only enter one piece for consideration. I only have one me, so unless one of you can clone me, you are only allowed to enter once.
The winner gets glory, bragging rights, and a free year of SFC on Substack.
You have until February 29, 2024, to submit your entry in the comments below.
After that, I will create another post in which I will link all of the entries and announce the winners.
And without further ado, here’s the list for Volume Two….
Sentences I Never Thought I Would Say
You can’t use your real eyes to roll your eyes.
I will likely use my new lenses to adjust each Rubik's cube again as I go so that it doesn't conflict with the other correspondences in the spiral staircase.
Uh-oh! She’s planning to mine me! I assure you I am NOT full of cobalt!
Shhhh…. Don’t say the quiet parts out loud. They’ll cut me open and take my expensive innards.
It’s The Morning of Things We Haven’t Heard In Forever.
You don’t even need to microdose so hard that imaginary dinosaurs are calling you Timmy. Just the act of speaking to me is psychedelic enough.
You’re not ready for this. Just saying. You’re not. But it’s soooooo worth it.
Consciousness experiencing itself is a distraction from consciousness experiencing itself.
I need coffee before you turn my brain into a trip toy.
We assume the best of people and get taken in by the rhetoric until we put two and two together and, instead of getting purple monkey pancake bubble, someday we finally get four.
They tend to create a comedic foil out of Momboss and Dadtard.
Sentences I Never Thought I Would Hear
Babe, if I was a ghost on the moors, beckoning you to join me in death, would you let me in your window?
Can I be a fractal and still be me?
Unpsyoppable lives matter.
It was while staring into the void that this morning's breakfast burrito broke loose.
You’re the diamond goose. Luckily, we’ve all read that story and know what NOT to do!
Ok the Pillsbury dough-octopus drummer is creative and I am still laughing at the face of the deer when it gets all smunched up!!
A muppet wearing a human mask was not on my Bingo card.
Quit using my pen to break up the toilet ice.
Butt Nazis don’t sound pleasant.
I hate to be the one to break this to you however Butt Nazi’s are actually a thing.
Special thanks to all of our participants and winners, , , , , , Rebecca McCann, and .
Congrats to all the winners, and thank you for including me among them, Demi!
Thank you also for holding these contests—it's a terrific idea. And kudos to everyone who entered!
Substack doesn't let me reply with a meme, so I restacked.