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Jack's avatar

I want to receive this, no matter what, but the night is getting too lonely, and the road, too long. Struggling to hang onto hope . . . I was born into a very toxic situation, and I don't even know what love, fun, and joy feel like, tbh. I've always been one to feel nothing would change if I weren't willing to "give it a shot." After so many iterations of "putting myself out there," in various ways and places, to no avail. I saw that many such efforts were unaligned, and turned inside to listen. I began asking for, waiting for, and acting on guidance, even when counterintuitive, I just don't know. But frankly, things continue to get worse. It feels like trying to start a fire in the pouring rain, and folks telling me it should be easy don't understand my context. It's like there's a crucial piece missing - trying to start an engine with no gas, no spark, something.

It feels like I am marked, as Cain. I wonder if some of us incarnate into "no-win" situations. Not long ago, I saw my "pre-deployment" meeting, with the heavy weight and the "guardrails" of safety from death, and I could see how wrenching this would be; it was important that I be unloved while growing up, or I could not fulfill my mission. But in these frail vessels, we have limits, I feel I am reaching mine.

Perhaps my dad's legacy of hate, which I have borne without passing on, is simply too heavy to transmute - for me, anyway.

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Rebecca's avatar

Yes, yes and yes! I'm feeling the alignment more and more each day as I flow with what is. I am 10 months free from alcohol and 12 days free from weed. I've spent more than half my life altering my state with substances and now it's time to FEEL my way through. It's a wacky and beautiful time to be alive and I'm so grateful for all that IS. Thank you, Demi, for continuing to bring positive messages for the collective.

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