..."People are fake, and that’s the biggest problem."...Ever wonder why? When a person is real, he cares not what others think, has no need to be better than others, and literally detaches from society in that he lives in it but is not part of it. Oops, I am not being politically correct, but I couldn't care less.
As a married woman, five children, and one divorce from a Peter Pan, then 20 years of marriage to a wonderful MAN - there are three things that matter: 1)Know YOURSELF and choose wisely. 2)Each other's well being is what defines "success" and 3)If either of you are struggling, see #2. Once you are married, you are no longer individuals, but conjoined twins. Sacrifice is necessary, but it can't be one sided. If one twin dies, so does the other. Make choices about how you behave and treat each other accordingly.
Is this based on solid, peer-reviewed empirical data or just nice-sounding? Just one observation as a man who eschewed the macho persona once he became a dad: There are still many women who claim to want an emotionally mature and self-aware mate who can make them laugh one minute and carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation on a wide variety of topics the next, is handsome, a decent wage earner and will never cheat, but in the end fall for the bad boy in two seconds. Now this hasn’t directly affected me because I’m married and she’s 100% my better half. But I have observed it more times than I can count. And obviously it’s each person’s right to have different preferences, but what’s in the abstract doesn’t always translate in reality.
That does happen often. I think we also have some outliers involved in this conversation. And perhaps others who do things very differently because of their religions, or would have liked to have done differently younger because of that. It's a mixed bag, purely conversational and anecdotal.
Additionally, women might often be unaware that they are falling for this type of person if the guy hides it well from the start and the traits emerge after the fact. Also, he could say he's one way and end up being completely different later on.
In my experience, you meet a completely different person at the two month mark and the four month mark and the six month mark as people drop their guards and cease to be on their best behavior. Or, conversely, over time you see that, for better or worse, they are not exactly the person they said they were due to shielding, blind spots, or even, in some cases, lying.
But none of that is gender specific. And getting to know the people behind the person you thought you knew tends to be part of the overall dating experience. It's just not one that is discussed as often as people talking about how good their goods are/were, how bad their bads are/were, their weirdest dating stories....
This is intimate information. People morph and color it to look better than they are or to make their partner(s) look better/worse than they ever were/are. Human nature.
What a chat this was! I almost understood some of it! Here’s a novel thought-we are doomed to repeat any and all mistakes described above because of the one stupendous lie we’ve all swallowed greedily. But I know, I get it, thoughts like these were old back in the 60s…
Whatever the original author's motivation is, as well as other conversation participants, they need to realize men's sex/dating drive and marriage drives are different in today's society. Especially if she wants the tradwife lifestyle
The men they can get attraction from, and get in bed with, are not the same as those that they can marry. They will usually give her the attention and emotional ups/downs she wants like candy, make her an addict to it, and leave her afterwards.
Those that they can marry will be looking at her virtues/vices. If they have any natural game they may be able to do the above, or they may not, but they're good men. They just don't have the instant, candy, drug addiction excitement/attraction that Feminism has led women to expect from men.
This, and all the wreckage Feminism gives us in the workplace, destroyed families, and everything else... led to my initial note in response to the picture.
Love the stuff about ***energy***. I recently listened to an Alan Watt Redux, one of them from the past couple of months, or so, and he said that these people who are in certain positions and/or are psychopaths have certain energy, talk in a certain way, where you just feel drained by them, and need to get out of the room. Unfortunately, I have a close family member who has been a huge advocate for me (or, I guess no one has been that, ever, but a good help—), and she just . . . any time I'm in the room with her, I walk away feeling like I need to do some kind of energetic cleanse.
I wrote a post on effective ways to clear energy. I'll go look for the link.
I have the same issue, especially being an energy reader, and I end up erring on the side of protecting my own energy more often than remaining engaged and being vulnerable out of fear that the other person is going to siphon me. I'm working on finding an appropriate balance there. Boundaries are super important, but so is not having to feel so guarded. It takes time to figure out. :)
My current favorite on this list is Ho'oponopono prayer. My friends and I have been doing meditations using that for the past few weeks and it unblocks energies you didn't even know were there. It's also simple and you can do it anywhere without any additional tools.
“The games taught to the men who saw a need to learn how to gamify their behaviors to rectify their dorkdom continue until the woman gets bored of being treated terribly, left in a state of constant confusion - and she leaves.”
—The games are totally dumb.
That said, a fair amount of women, especially when young, choose men who treat them terribly. And they aren’t dorks, but rather are just straight-up assholes.
The reason, I think, is rooted in evolutionary biology/psychology. I think they mistake assholery for strength, and, running a simple, primordial version of the dominance hierarchy program, select a dude who seems “strong.” Then they get older and wiser and figure out that we have much better dominance hierarchies now.
Hey thanks for featuring me in your article, it was an interesting read.
I have to point out that Stone Bryson misrepresented what I said. He claims I said that men have to "prove themselves worthy", he plucked 3 words out of my sentience and changed the context. What I said was "prove themselves worthy of our trust." This is completely different. Not everyone is worthy of our trust.
Also towards the end I want to point out that I don't believe men should earn sex, I was saying they need to earn our trust before women feel safe to have sex with them.
I believe if women waited until men were committed to us and also proved they were committed to us then this will help women feel more comfortable dating again.
After the pandemic was over, I was so afraid of entering the dating market again, I felt trepidation. The thought of falling in love with a man and being deceived was so unbearable I was despondent. It wasn't until a man I was watching on YouTube suggested waiting until marriage that I felt some sense of safety and control in protecting my heart.
It seems that many people were unclear about your intention regarding this post, which accounts for the wide variety of responses. So in seeing so many people potentially misperceiving what was said and responding in the manner that they did, I would posit that this might be more of a clarity issue than a misunderstanding issue.
That said, thank you for clarifying! :)
That's why we do these things, crafting our thoughts over and over again to work out all of the kinks, to workshop and hone our ideas for clarity so that, in the future, we can express them in ways that cover all bases without raising the hackles of the people we ostensibly agree with. Substack works great as a think tank for that purpose. :)
Yes this is true! However, there will never be a perfect way to say something where everyone understands what I'm saying.
To be honest, my post is meant for women and I'm not too concerned with men's thoughts as I am not trying to convince them of anything.
I find it a bit insulting that they think they should get a say in what I do with my own body and relationships. I wish for them to simply respect my decision but I find myself having to justify my choice to wait, with men who think they have an entitlement to sex.
As a woman, I assure you that you don't have to justify not wanting to have sex. You just have to be firm with your boundaries inside of yourself, move along, and then you will find someone else who is on the same page as you.
As for the guys wanting to pipe up... well... ostensibly they are the other half of the relationship, no? It stands to reason they want to be heard too. 🙏🏻💜💫
Pumped and dumped is a term specifically referencing a one night stand or a relationship built around casual sex from the start.
If you didn't like the responses of people calling women whores and sluts, then don't use terms that, in their nature, would make them whores and sluts.
That's what the term means, and that's what drew the response. If women want to be honored, and respected, they have to reject Feminist values, full stop, by most men these days. Many are tired of it, hate it, and want to burn it all down.
Those that don't, are the soy boys. Go after them if you want to. Or the pump and dump crowd that love the current situation. Good luck with either.
The word dumped implies that the person was let go after sex, and I only hear this term being used when someone has been mislead to believe it was more then a one night stand.
I'm disappointed by your choice of words. Using derogatory terms like 'sluts' and 'whores' is disrespectful and uncalled for. If you want to engage in a respectful conversation, let's refrain from using such language and focus on discussing our differences constructively.
I think he was just saying that using terms like "pump and dump" makes terms like "slut" and "whore" come to mind, not that he thinks of women in general in this way.
The majority of the guys on this thread think women should wait.
So I don't think they agree with "pumping and dumping" either.
In fact, the majority of us here, if not all, are agreeing about waiting for trust and connection.
Many took that another step and are saying they would prefer to wait for marriage - and that is entirely their prerogative to do so and I support them in that 1000% if that's what they want and believe.
" then don't use terms that, in their nature, would make them whores and sluts." Its pretty clear he was saying that women act like this and then used these words to describe women. He specifically implied that women who get pumped and dumped are engaging in non deceitful casual sex and they are therefore "whores and s l u ts" Its obvious what he said. Please dont defend his disgraceful behaviour.
It is a word that means what it means. I did not use it to describe you or yourself. If you take it to describe you, that is your choice, not mine. I am simply pointing out that you, yourself, decided to use words that specifically have a context which means that women have decided to act like sluts and whores.
You, yourself, have stated that you do not intend to take such acts.
So why use the language? Why use such a Feminist image?
Either you're trying to get clickbate, subconsciously, or you haven't fully rejected some of the feminist ideology, which is what I would suspect.
But, if you want to learn from advice of others, please first learn to stop taking a general advice such as the previous comment which did not call you a slut or whore, and then make it out to calling you a slut or whore. That won't get you anywhere.
"Misrepresented" suggests a malicious intent on my part. Considering the overall tone of my note - and the fact I agreed with your general premise - I cannot imagine how you came to that conclusion, if that is indeed the conclusion you reached.
As to my 'claim?' Let us go with more than my three words, or even more than the six you yourself chose to utilize here...
"It's about flipping the script and making it clear that men must prove themselves worthy of our trust and respect BEFORE intimacy is even considered." [Emphasis mine]
This alludes to an adversarial approach, which I think is unhealthy. The point of my note was that no one - male or female - should have to prove themselves 'worthy' of anything before 'intimacy.' It should be a mutual, loving exchange, with trust and respect built over time, not something 'granted' after certain conditions are met. Simply put, if a person has to wait until 'worthiness' is bestowed, they probably are not good for each other.
Perhaps my interpretation of 'worthiness' is different than your own, based on my experiences; there may have been a 'misunderstanding' on my part, yes, but no 'misrepresentation.'
Which brings me to this, which I must reiterate: I was not in any way attacking you - if it came across that way, I sincerely apologize. I was merely giving my perceptions of what you wrote, while clearly stating that I supported your overall concept... and I genuinely DO support it! I assure you, there was no malicious intent on my part.
And Demi, thank you so much for providing this platform :-)
If there is mutual love and respect and both are committed to being real with each other, trust builds naturally, organically, and all of these contrived rules that people establish for discourse end up falling by the wayside.
I've also found that the more open and vulnerable people can be while also communicating clearly and voicing preferences and boundaries, not in caustic or punitive ways, but in ways in which both are learning about each other and setting the tone together for what they desire and expect, the better things end up going overall.
I think you might be expecting people to be combative when we're only trying to understand and drill down deeper into what you mean. Also, erring on the side of specificity might help because we can't read your mind. But each time you clarify, this is making more sense. :)
..."People are fake, and that’s the biggest problem."...Ever wonder why? When a person is real, he cares not what others think, has no need to be better than others, and literally detaches from society in that he lives in it but is not part of it. Oops, I am not being politically correct, but I couldn't care less.
⚡️💥🔥
As a married woman, five children, and one divorce from a Peter Pan, then 20 years of marriage to a wonderful MAN - there are three things that matter: 1)Know YOURSELF and choose wisely. 2)Each other's well being is what defines "success" and 3)If either of you are struggling, see #2. Once you are married, you are no longer individuals, but conjoined twins. Sacrifice is necessary, but it can't be one sided. If one twin dies, so does the other. Make choices about how you behave and treat each other accordingly.
Is this based on solid, peer-reviewed empirical data or just nice-sounding? Just one observation as a man who eschewed the macho persona once he became a dad: There are still many women who claim to want an emotionally mature and self-aware mate who can make them laugh one minute and carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation on a wide variety of topics the next, is handsome, a decent wage earner and will never cheat, but in the end fall for the bad boy in two seconds. Now this hasn’t directly affected me because I’m married and she’s 100% my better half. But I have observed it more times than I can count. And obviously it’s each person’s right to have different preferences, but what’s in the abstract doesn’t always translate in reality.
That does happen often. I think we also have some outliers involved in this conversation. And perhaps others who do things very differently because of their religions, or would have liked to have done differently younger because of that. It's a mixed bag, purely conversational and anecdotal.
Additionally, women might often be unaware that they are falling for this type of person if the guy hides it well from the start and the traits emerge after the fact. Also, he could say he's one way and end up being completely different later on.
In my experience, you meet a completely different person at the two month mark and the four month mark and the six month mark as people drop their guards and cease to be on their best behavior. Or, conversely, over time you see that, for better or worse, they are not exactly the person they said they were due to shielding, blind spots, or even, in some cases, lying.
But none of that is gender specific. And getting to know the people behind the person you thought you knew tends to be part of the overall dating experience. It's just not one that is discussed as often as people talking about how good their goods are/were, how bad their bads are/were, their weirdest dating stories....
This is intimate information. People morph and color it to look better than they are or to make their partner(s) look better/worse than they ever were/are. Human nature.
What a chat this was! I almost understood some of it! Here’s a novel thought-we are doomed to repeat any and all mistakes described above because of the one stupendous lie we’ve all swallowed greedily. But I know, I get it, thoughts like these were old back in the 60s…
Interesting, engaging, challenging, differing perspectives. And yet, respectful and not spiraling to name calling and childlike tantrums.
Bravo Substackers. BRAVO. thanks @Demi for this summary share.
Substack FTW! <3
Thanks for the shout out.
Whatever the original author's motivation is, as well as other conversation participants, they need to realize men's sex/dating drive and marriage drives are different in today's society. Especially if she wants the tradwife lifestyle
The men they can get attraction from, and get in bed with, are not the same as those that they can marry. They will usually give her the attention and emotional ups/downs she wants like candy, make her an addict to it, and leave her afterwards.
Those that they can marry will be looking at her virtues/vices. If they have any natural game they may be able to do the above, or they may not, but they're good men. They just don't have the instant, candy, drug addiction excitement/attraction that Feminism has led women to expect from men.
This, and all the wreckage Feminism gives us in the workplace, destroyed families, and everything else... led to my initial note in response to the picture.
Feminism - a dumber ideology than communism
And, I'll add here, more destructive too.
Love the stuff about ***energy***. I recently listened to an Alan Watt Redux, one of them from the past couple of months, or so, and he said that these people who are in certain positions and/or are psychopaths have certain energy, talk in a certain way, where you just feel drained by them, and need to get out of the room. Unfortunately, I have a close family member who has been a huge advocate for me (or, I guess no one has been that, ever, but a good help—), and she just . . . any time I'm in the room with her, I walk away feeling like I need to do some kind of energetic cleanse.
I wrote a post on effective ways to clear energy. I'll go look for the link.
I have the same issue, especially being an energy reader, and I end up erring on the side of protecting my own energy more often than remaining engaged and being vulnerable out of fear that the other person is going to siphon me. I'm working on finding an appropriate balance there. Boundaries are super important, but so is not having to feel so guarded. It takes time to figure out. :)
Here is that link...
https://www.starfirecodes.com/p/clear-the-air-a-troubleshooting-guide
My current favorite on this list is Ho'oponopono prayer. My friends and I have been doing meditations using that for the past few weeks and it unblocks energies you didn't even know were there. It's also simple and you can do it anywhere without any additional tools.
Thank you, I’m going to look into this.
Any time! :)
Thank you for sharing my response 💕
“The games taught to the men who saw a need to learn how to gamify their behaviors to rectify their dorkdom continue until the woman gets bored of being treated terribly, left in a state of constant confusion - and she leaves.”
—The games are totally dumb.
That said, a fair amount of women, especially when young, choose men who treat them terribly. And they aren’t dorks, but rather are just straight-up assholes.
The reason, I think, is rooted in evolutionary biology/psychology. I think they mistake assholery for strength, and, running a simple, primordial version of the dominance hierarchy program, select a dude who seems “strong.” Then they get older and wiser and figure out that we have much better dominance hierarchies now.
Overt displays never quite hit the same way as calm, quiet confidence.
Right. The latter is actual strength, in a much fuller sense.
“The problem is with energetic polarity dynamics and the correction of it via pendulum swing instead of finding natural stasis.”
—I write about something quite similar in my book…though I am still a ways away from posting that installment.
It works applied to all areas of life. Makes perfect sense.
A pendulum swinging back and forth is in a kind of equilibrium. But so is one that is sitting still. And the latter is better.
Nice idea.
“The problem is with energetic polarity dynamics and the correction of it via pendulum swing instead of finding natural stasis.”
—I write about something quite similar in my book…though I am still a ways away from posting that installment.
Hey thanks for featuring me in your article, it was an interesting read.
I have to point out that Stone Bryson misrepresented what I said. He claims I said that men have to "prove themselves worthy", he plucked 3 words out of my sentience and changed the context. What I said was "prove themselves worthy of our trust." This is completely different. Not everyone is worthy of our trust.
Also towards the end I want to point out that I don't believe men should earn sex, I was saying they need to earn our trust before women feel safe to have sex with them.
I believe if women waited until men were committed to us and also proved they were committed to us then this will help women feel more comfortable dating again.
After the pandemic was over, I was so afraid of entering the dating market again, I felt trepidation. The thought of falling in love with a man and being deceived was so unbearable I was despondent. It wasn't until a man I was watching on YouTube suggested waiting until marriage that I felt some sense of safety and control in protecting my heart.
It seems that many people were unclear about your intention regarding this post, which accounts for the wide variety of responses. So in seeing so many people potentially misperceiving what was said and responding in the manner that they did, I would posit that this might be more of a clarity issue than a misunderstanding issue.
That said, thank you for clarifying! :)
That's why we do these things, crafting our thoughts over and over again to work out all of the kinks, to workshop and hone our ideas for clarity so that, in the future, we can express them in ways that cover all bases without raising the hackles of the people we ostensibly agree with. Substack works great as a think tank for that purpose. :)
Yes this is true! However, there will never be a perfect way to say something where everyone understands what I'm saying.
To be honest, my post is meant for women and I'm not too concerned with men's thoughts as I am not trying to convince them of anything.
I find it a bit insulting that they think they should get a say in what I do with my own body and relationships. I wish for them to simply respect my decision but I find myself having to justify my choice to wait, with men who think they have an entitlement to sex.
As a woman, I assure you that you don't have to justify not wanting to have sex. You just have to be firm with your boundaries inside of yourself, move along, and then you will find someone else who is on the same page as you.
As for the guys wanting to pipe up... well... ostensibly they are the other half of the relationship, no? It stands to reason they want to be heard too. 🙏🏻💜💫
hahaha I'm talking about the men online, not men I am dating.
Red pilled men, you know the "high value men"
Thank you for clarifying. ☺️🙏🏻💜💫
Pumped and dumped is a term specifically referencing a one night stand or a relationship built around casual sex from the start.
If you didn't like the responses of people calling women whores and sluts, then don't use terms that, in their nature, would make them whores and sluts.
That's what the term means, and that's what drew the response. If women want to be honored, and respected, they have to reject Feminist values, full stop, by most men these days. Many are tired of it, hate it, and want to burn it all down.
Those that don't, are the soy boys. Go after them if you want to. Or the pump and dump crowd that love the current situation. Good luck with either.
I thought of "pump and dump" in terms of crypto when I first saw the post. I was confused.
Granted, I am *terrible* with slang.
Then I figured out what it meant in context, and Jessica and I were both grossed out. Lol.
The word dumped implies that the person was let go after sex, and I only hear this term being used when someone has been mislead to believe it was more then a one night stand.
I'm disappointed by your choice of words. Using derogatory terms like 'sluts' and 'whores' is disrespectful and uncalled for. If you want to engage in a respectful conversation, let's refrain from using such language and focus on discussing our differences constructively.
I think he was just saying that using terms like "pump and dump" makes terms like "slut" and "whore" come to mind, not that he thinks of women in general in this way.
The majority of the guys on this thread think women should wait.
So I don't think they agree with "pumping and dumping" either.
In fact, the majority of us here, if not all, are agreeing about waiting for trust and connection.
Many took that another step and are saying they would prefer to wait for marriage - and that is entirely their prerogative to do so and I support them in that 1000% if that's what they want and believe.
But no one is disagreeing about any of that.
Wait, are you objecting to the use of Slut and Whore AT ALL, in any context?
That seems like an odd objection. That's a social justice warrior type of objection. We need to describe truth here, and behaviors.
" then don't use terms that, in their nature, would make them whores and sluts." Its pretty clear he was saying that women act like this and then used these words to describe women. He specifically implied that women who get pumped and dumped are engaging in non deceitful casual sex and they are therefore "whores and s l u ts" Its obvious what he said. Please dont defend his disgraceful behaviour.
It is a word that means what it means. I did not use it to describe you or yourself. If you take it to describe you, that is your choice, not mine. I am simply pointing out that you, yourself, decided to use words that specifically have a context which means that women have decided to act like sluts and whores.
You, yourself, have stated that you do not intend to take such acts.
So why use the language? Why use such a Feminist image?
Either you're trying to get clickbate, subconsciously, or you haven't fully rejected some of the feminist ideology, which is what I would suspect.
But, if you want to learn from advice of others, please first learn to stop taking a general advice such as the previous comment which did not call you a slut or whore, and then make it out to calling you a slut or whore. That won't get you anywhere.
"Misrepresented" suggests a malicious intent on my part. Considering the overall tone of my note - and the fact I agreed with your general premise - I cannot imagine how you came to that conclusion, if that is indeed the conclusion you reached.
As to my 'claim?' Let us go with more than my three words, or even more than the six you yourself chose to utilize here...
"It's about flipping the script and making it clear that men must prove themselves worthy of our trust and respect BEFORE intimacy is even considered." [Emphasis mine]
This alludes to an adversarial approach, which I think is unhealthy. The point of my note was that no one - male or female - should have to prove themselves 'worthy' of anything before 'intimacy.' It should be a mutual, loving exchange, with trust and respect built over time, not something 'granted' after certain conditions are met. Simply put, if a person has to wait until 'worthiness' is bestowed, they probably are not good for each other.
Perhaps my interpretation of 'worthiness' is different than your own, based on my experiences; there may have been a 'misunderstanding' on my part, yes, but no 'misrepresentation.'
Which brings me to this, which I must reiterate: I was not in any way attacking you - if it came across that way, I sincerely apologize. I was merely giving my perceptions of what you wrote, while clearly stating that I supported your overall concept... and I genuinely DO support it! I assure you, there was no malicious intent on my part.
And Demi, thank you so much for providing this platform :-)
I agree completely.
If there is mutual love and respect and both are committed to being real with each other, trust builds naturally, organically, and all of these contrived rules that people establish for discourse end up falling by the wayside.
I've also found that the more open and vulnerable people can be while also communicating clearly and voicing preferences and boundaries, not in caustic or punitive ways, but in ways in which both are learning about each other and setting the tone together for what they desire and expect, the better things end up going overall.
Thank you, Stone! ☺️🙏🏻💜💫
"It should be a mutual, loving exchange, with trust and respect built over time" this is what I meant by worthy.
Ok, it sounded like you thought I was being up myself or something.
glad you specified.
I think you might be expecting people to be combative when we're only trying to understand and drill down deeper into what you mean. Also, erring on the side of specificity might help because we can't read your mind. But each time you clarify, this is making more sense. :)
You are on a Bon Jovi kick lately. 🤣