I am consistently blown away by the timeliness and synchronicity of these messages. I'm going to post my downloads from yesterday below because they so perfectly mirror today's Starfire Codes.
~~~
- I, like many others, am going through a process of immense change, and change is hard... learning to love when you've been programmed for fear is hard
- I need to be gentle throughout this process, but not make "gentleness" another stick to beat myself with, as I have used the word "gentle" as yet another way to make myself feel deficient for not living up to my high expectations
- I should focus my attention on learning self-love and self-compassion
- I've felt like I need to be more than human, and my fellow humans need to be more than human, because I see the shitshow (inside and out) and feel like we're not enough and we need to change and do better (myself included)
- It's been hard for me to be honest about where I'm at in my journey, for the same reason
- The belief that I am deficient / not enough has kept me stuck in a trap of silencing and isolating myself, and pretending to be someone I'm not, to avoid abandonment and rejection
- To describe that process in more detail - I really want people to like me, because I'm lonely. So I stay silent, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned and rejected, and my heart can't take it because I already feel so deficient. So I keep quiet and try to please people. And then I find myself all alone because I'm silent, and I'm not being myself, so nobody knows anything about me. I make myself a stranger everywhere I go, and then I wonder why I lack intimacy.
- At a young age, I split myself in two parts - a fearful part and a fearless part... but the fearless part is an act, because it is in fact afraid of love (and every other emotion)
- I have deeply attached myself to and identified with the part of myself that sees itself as fearless yet is terrified of love, and distanced myself from the terrified child inside that desperately needs love
- Terrified of love, there has always been a lack of love, resulting in a void that I've tried to fill in myriad ways that have offered temporary relief but never truly worked
To identify, and put words to your insights is the miracle of being human. To err is also very human. It takes a shit ton of energy to pretend your not yourself and be what others expect. Bravo for succinctly putting it in writing. I see parts of me in the words.
I am consistently blown away by the timeliness and synchronicity of these messages. I'm going to post my downloads from yesterday below because they so perfectly mirror today's Starfire Codes.
~~~
- I, like many others, am going through a process of immense change, and change is hard... learning to love when you've been programmed for fear is hard
- I need to be gentle throughout this process, but not make "gentleness" another stick to beat myself with, as I have used the word "gentle" as yet another way to make myself feel deficient for not living up to my high expectations
- I should focus my attention on learning self-love and self-compassion
- I've felt like I need to be more than human, and my fellow humans need to be more than human, because I see the shitshow (inside and out) and feel like we're not enough and we need to change and do better (myself included)
- It's been hard for me to be honest about where I'm at in my journey, for the same reason
- The belief that I am deficient / not enough has kept me stuck in a trap of silencing and isolating myself, and pretending to be someone I'm not, to avoid abandonment and rejection
- To describe that process in more detail - I really want people to like me, because I'm lonely. So I stay silent, because I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing. I'm afraid that I'll be abandoned and rejected, and my heart can't take it because I already feel so deficient. So I keep quiet and try to please people. And then I find myself all alone because I'm silent, and I'm not being myself, so nobody knows anything about me. I make myself a stranger everywhere I go, and then I wonder why I lack intimacy.
- At a young age, I split myself in two parts - a fearful part and a fearless part... but the fearless part is an act, because it is in fact afraid of love (and every other emotion)
- I have deeply attached myself to and identified with the part of myself that sees itself as fearless yet is terrified of love, and distanced myself from the terrified child inside that desperately needs love
- Terrified of love, there has always been a lack of love, resulting in a void that I've tried to fill in myriad ways that have offered temporary relief but never truly worked
So amazing 👏
I cried through the whole thing good tears🙂
To identify, and put words to your insights is the miracle of being human. To err is also very human. It takes a shit ton of energy to pretend your not yourself and be what others expect. Bravo for succinctly putting it in writing. I see parts of me in the words.